Today

It's hard to talk about certain things when you know they won't turn out well.


I took my NCLEX today.


I failed it. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind. I took all 265 questions and never got to any upper level-type questions such as management/delegation/etc.


I'm heartbroken.


What else is there to say about it? I should have studied more, I should have moved home for the summer to minimize my distractions, I should have been BETTER.


I don't really want to talk about it because I'm not just looking for support about this--I honestly failed it. And in a couple of days when I get my results I'm going to have to tell everybody for sure...Yep, I'm a FAILURE.


Super.


I just really need some guidance in my life right now. I'm upset and trying not to show it. I'm confused and I have NO IDEA what life has in store for me and I HATE THAT.


Thank God for my parents today. Especially my Mama. I called her, literally bawling my eyes out (while trying to drive home--not smart), and incidentally she did make me feel a little bit better.


Not much. But a little.


So here I am. Once again I'm the one who's so close but just doesn't make it.


I guess the only option is to try harder. Do better. And Pray.


So, I'm moving on from this. As Daddy said, "It's not the end of the world. It's not like you have cancer or anything." How poetic, Dad. :) And surprisingly comforting.


For now, Goodnight.


Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.
Sure can't get much worse.