Something has changed within me, Something is not the same

So. I haven't had a heart-to-heart with you guys in a while. Lately, I've had a lot on my plate. School, tests, graduation, job-searching, moving, final papers, etc...all on my mind. I have so much to do and so little time to actually do it. Also, while reading my friend Rachel's blog (who is going through the exact same thing I am right now), I second her opinion about people asking me about my future. While I appreciate the fact that they care about me... I am so tired of repeating the same thing to every person I meet: NO I do not have a job, NO I do not know where I will be living right now, NO I do not want to work on anywhere else but L&D, but YES I do understand that I may have to make a compromise...I have very mixed feelings about my upcoming graduation. I am so nervous about the thought of being a "GROWN UP". But I am so excited to start a new chapter in my life. It makes me so sad to think about moving away from my friends here in Oxford, but I am so excited to live closer to my family and most of all, my wonderful sister.



Me and my sweet sister.
Isn't she gorgeous?

But aside from all the things I really need to be doing, today, I am watching Glee. And listening to soundtracks from Wicked. While I have liked the song "Defying Gravity" for a while, today when I listened to it, the song took on a whole new meaning. MY LIFE.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

I have to take control of my life right now. If things don't work out exactly as planned, at least I will have experience gained. I am my own person.

I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!

By the way, if you've never heard this song, you're missing out. It was on Glee, and while Lea Michelle did a wonderful job singing it, Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenowith cannot be beaten. Here's a link of them singing it LIVE for the Tony Awards...HERE.

So anyway, I hope that everybody out there reading this (both of you!) has better luck in life than I am having right now. But still, I am grateful. For the chance to worry about a job, for the certainty that if all goes wrong, I still have a great family waiting for me and willing to support me in whatever I decide.

Yep, it's Music Monday again!

1. The One that Got Away by Pink I love this girl. From her old stuff to her new stuff, it's all amazing.

2. Mr. Sensitive by David Cook So what, he was on American Idol? He can sing. And I love his raspy-ish voice. This is one of my favorite from his album.

3. Maps by The Yeah Yeah Yeahs I love to play this song on Rock Band. And the lead singer's voice is so cool.

4. Lay It On Me by The Rescues You all should know by now that I'm obsessed with this band. I mean, come on. They harmonize on every single song!!

5. Edge of Desire by John Mayer I got addicted to his voice again.

6. Lay It Down Slow by Spiritualized Heard this on the Series Finale of Prison Break. It still makes me cry every single time I hear it.

7. Spell by Marie Digby I actually heard her on YouTube, and then heard some of her songs on various television shows. But right now, I have you, for a moment I can tell I've got you, cause your lips don't move...something is happening cause your eyes tell me the truth...I put a spell over you

8. When the Lights Go Out by The Black Keys I love this bluesy-rock band. This song is one I've always admired.

9. Rock Your Soul by Elisa Heard this on SYTYCD... LOVE IT. All I want is to rock your soul...

10. Into the Fire by Thirteen Senses Grey's Anatomy song. Beautiful.

11. Reflecting Light by Sam Phillips Can you tell me what Gilmore Girls scene this was played in?? (Hint: It's a REALLY good one! :) ) Love her voice.

12. Until You by Dave Barnes I don't quite remember where I heard this song from, but it's been a favorite for many years. Love was kept from me like a secret, and I swore that I was through...Until You...

13. Secret by Max Morgan from Grey's again :) I just like it, ok??

14. How We Operate by Gomez The beginning of this song is my favorite. And his voice works perfect with the mandolin (?).

15. She Said, I Said (Time We Let Go) by NLT I have never heard another song from this band except this one. My sister told me about it years ago. It's definitely a boy band song. But I like it, and I really like to laugh at the music video HERE.

Gaze... I Want To Gaze At You

I know you're thinking... Geez, Meg, 2 posts in 1 night? How am I supposed to keep up? But I just have to share this...

I am not the most religious person. Sure, I am a Christian and I went to church when I was younger, but I haven't been in longer than I care to admit. I pray and I thank Him, but He has not been an active part of my life in a long while...until recently. Nursing School is hard, people. I know they tell everyone that, but you can't really understand it until you live it, right? Well I've recently begun praising Him more...simply because I realized that without His help, I would never make it through.

Today, I was visiting a friend and she had her TV set to a random music channel. It happened to be the "Spirit" channel. I heard a song called "Yahweh" by Tal and Acacia. I liked it, but didn't really get to listen to the lyrics since I was entertaining a toddler. I made a mental note to look it up later.

I just found it on YouTube and listened intently to the lyrics....and began to cry. Through this beautiful song, I feel Him asking for my worship again. And He reminds me that I should praise Him in this storm. That I owe everything to HIM.

I feel that He knows music is my thing. He knows exactly how to reach me. And so, he sent me a message.

I should feel so lucky that he loves and cares for me enough to reach out to me.


Here is the song. It's a new favorite.





Gaze
I want to Gaze at you
Soak
Soak in all you do
Sit
so simply at your feet
Listen
To your voice so sweet

(Chorus)
As I simply Praise
Yahweh
My Lord I cry
Jehovah Elohim
The Lord Most High
and When my hands are raised
My Knees they fall
As I simply Praise
Jehovah

Cry
As I see your blood stains
Overwhelmed
As I see your pain
And I'll dance, dance, dance
Because I am set free
You are my conqueror
Jehovah Nissi
And Let time Pass Away

(Chorus)

Do I believe that you're my God
That You're all I need That you're all I need
Do I believe that you'll sit down
and be crowned my king for eternity
Do I believe that you're my God
That You're all I need That you're all I need
Do I believe that you'll sit down
and be crowned my king for eternity
Do I believe that you're my God
That You're all I need That you're all I need
Do I believe that you'll sit down
and be crowned my king for eternity
So Let time Pass Away

(Chorus)

My Daddy, My Abba, My Best Friend
YAHWEH

Music Monday! I remembered!

Mondays are not so bad when I get to post Music Mondays :) The list today is just some of my favorite songs that I've wanted to share with you since starting all this...




1)Trolleywood by Eisley LOVE THIS SONG. It doesn't mean a thing but the harmonies are beautiful.

2)Had It All written by Kara DioGuardi (performed by Katharine McPhee) So I figured out that Kara DioGuardi has written everything that I like. Like, EVERYTHING. And I freakin' love her voice. I hate that Katharine McPhee took my two fav songs by her (Terrified and Had it All) and messed them up. You have to go HERE to listen to Kara's version.

3)Colorblind by Counting Crows So pretty. So soothing. And kinda sad.

4)Sober by Kelly Clarkson This is the only song that I liked on her "My December" album. It's got a great message and this girl can SING. I love when she breaks it down.

5)Breathe In, Breathe Out by Mat Kearney Love him. Heard him first on Grey's. Decided to musically stalk him. Decided I hate it when he rap-sings but love it when he sing-sings. Like in this song. :)

6)45 by Shinedown I love this song. It has a dark message but it's just so eerie to listen to.

7)Everything Changes by Staind Another one of those songs that anybody can relate to. i love the lyrics "but everything changes if i could turn back the years if you could learn to forgive then i could learn to feel...

8)Sweet About Me by Gabrielle Climi This was the "free video of the week" on iTunes a while ago and I decided I really liked it. And her whole album.

9)Glitter in the Air by Pink Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone? You're whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone. Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry? So freaking pretty. Did you see her perform this at the Golden Globes? AMAZING.

10)Fire and Rain by James Taylor My dad used to play his greatest hits album ENDLESSLY on trips. I hated it so much because all I wanted to listen to was Britney or whatever the new artist was at the time. Now, I just want to go back to riding with my whole family and singing this song. :) Won't you look down upon me, Jesus...You've got to help me make a stand...You've just got to see me through another day

11)A Million Ways (to be Cruel) by OKGO So we've all seen the treadmill dance they did to "Here it Goes again", but have you heard THIS song? Love it. And they have a dance for it too. It's HERE.

12)Lightning Crashes by Live Another one of those songs you just turn off all the lights and blast.

13)Three More Days by Ray LaMontagne ok, I could have every single Ray LaMontagne song on this blog and it wouldn't efficiently show my love for him. But this is another of my favorites by him.

14)If It Kills Me by Jason Mraz (from Casa Nova Sessions) Yeah, you saw this song on SYTYCD but don't deny that you loved it. That's my all-time favorite routine from all seasons...See it HERE. But the words and the way he sings this song is just amazing. Oh, I love it. But it's gotta be the one from the Casa Nova Sessions because the original album version just isn't as good!

15)Green Eyes by Coldplay Love how this song is not really their normal stuff. Like it's just hime singing to me.... ::sigh:: :)

JOB

I'm gonna take a little time to b*tch.

I am just so frustrated about this whole "getting a job" thing. I KNOW where I want to work. I KNOW it's the only place that will make me happy. and I KNOW I'll be good at it, even if I am a new grad. So why the hell can't I find a job? I know L&D is one of the hardest fields to get into...especially when you're just starting out. But I just want to go shake somebody and say "LOOK AT ME." I love L&D. I honestly believe that God has chosen me to do this. I love it and I never ever get tired of seeing new babies being brought into this world. I love everything about L&D, even the high risk women. I feel as if I know the most about L&D and would be a great learner to know more because of my interest..


I just... am frustrated. I've applied at almost every place I can think of, and they all have places in L&D open...but I still don't feel like I'm gonna get the job. Know why? Because I am a new grad. And I have no experience. ::SIGH::

I really need some prayers on this, guys. Hopefully if enough of us pray, GOD will listen and answer them.

Music Monday... except it's actually Tuesday again...

So, I had this ready yesterday, I just forgot to post it. :/ But anyway, I got these songs from my "Grey's Anatomy" playlist on my iPod. I tried to pick ones that aren't so popular so you actually get NEW music. :)





1)Swans by Unkle Bob LOVE this. It's really pretty.

2)Engine Heart by Mirah Heard her for the first time on So You Think You Can Dance (The Garden dance... LOVE IT) but once I heard some of her other stuff I realized I really like her...

3)Somewhere a Clock is Ticking by Snow Patrol Of course, Snow Patrol is one of my favorites. This is my favorite song by them. It makes me stop and listen everytime. LOVE THIS LYRIC..."In slow motion, the blast is beautiful..."

4)Another White Dash by Butterfly Boucher "There is something deep and pulling leaving everything behind. Something about having everything you think you'll ever need sitting in the seat next to you"

5)The Time is Now by Moloko I just like it. :) It was played on Grey's when Mer and Der have an elevator moment. :)

6)Ramalama (Bang Bang) by Roisin Murphy I just wanna dance when I hear this song!

7)How Lucky We Are by Meiko It's happy. :) And I like her voice.

8)Fools Like Me by Lisa Loeb "Love was surely made for fools like me"

9)Like a Star by Corrine Bailey Rae So pretty. It was played while Addie was crying in the trailer.

10)A Storm is Going to Come by Peter Facinelli LOVE THIS. It's kind of haunting, actually.

11)Grace by Kate Havnevik Of course I had to include this one. :) It was written specifically for the love scene between Mer/Der at the end of Season 2. Ahhhhh. I Love it.

12)Falling or Flying by Grace Potter So pretty. And lovely.

13)Keep Breathing by Ingrid Michaelson When I first heard this on Grey's.. it was when Cristina was freaking out after Burke left her. Sad. But pretty.

14)It Came Upon a Midnight Clear by Sixpence None the Richer Yes, it's a Christmas song, but it's my favorite Christmas song. Just listen. It's really pretty.

15)Could Be Anything by The Eames Era Fun and happy.

16)Light Years Away by Mozella Last, but certainly not least. I Love the lyrics to this song. It seems to describe every bad relationship I've had. "It's almost like you had it planned, it's like you smiled and took my hand, and said Hey. I'm about to screw you over big time"